Being the best caregiver starts with caring for yourself
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Caring for someone is about more than measuring medicine and making meals — it’s also about focusing on our emotional needs so we can offer the best of ourselves.
- Caregiver self-care is often overlooked, but it’s a crucial part of the caregiving process, especially while we're in the throes of the coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic.
- Providence St. Joseph Health and the Institute for Human Caring can provide resources and support for caregivers.
- Get tips on self-care for the caregiver.
[3 MIN READ]
When Ira Byock, M.D., founder of the Institute for Human Caring at Providence St. Joseph Health, was still in his medical residency, he learned his father had incurable pancreatic cancer. The shocking diagnosis meant there would be months of treatments and tough decisions, sadness and pain.
As Dr. Byock reflects on this challenging time, he acknowledges that the last months of his father’s life were also filled with invaluable memories that he may have overlooked if he hadn’t taken the time to take care of himself while caring for his father.
As caregivers, especially during this unprecedented time due to the coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic, it’s easy to get caught up in day-to-day tasks such as meals, medicine, hygiene, health checks, decisions and transportation. We often don’t spend the time we need to take care of ourselves and — perhaps more importantly — our relationships. We can become run-down, which limits our ability to be present and find enjoyment in little moments throughout the process, no matter how fleeting they may seem.
Focusing on self-care as a caregiver
It can be difficult to justify time for self-care when you’re caring for someone you're trying to protect from COVID-19, or who is sick. But focusing on your own emotional health can have a positive impact on everyone around you.
“Illness is personal, it’s not just medical…people (patients and caregivers) are whole persons who have relationships, social lives, spiritual senses and connections to the community,” says Dr. Byock.
“Illness is personal, it’s not just medical…people (patients and caregivers) are whole persons who have relationships, social lives, spiritual senses and connections to the community,” says Dr. Byock.
Using these self-care techniques can help you and your family members find strength in a challenging time.
Make it a priority
If you’re caring for a loved one, in normal times you may have a long to-do list filled with appointments and tasks. In the current situation, the task list is longer: it includes trying to keep the person you're caring for safe. But, just as you would schedule a meal time for a loved one, put your self-care on the calendar as a non-negotiable. Set an alarm on your phone, or plan to take just 10 minutes to yourself first thing in the morning.
Share memories
Caregiving should be about more than measuring medicine and cooking meals. When we look back on our time with loved ones, do we want to remember the physical ailments and long to-do lists?
Take time to have conversations with the person you’re caring for right now. Share memories with each other. Ask your loved one to tell you a story from their life. These moments can serve everyone’s emotional needs and help frame more positive memories of your time together.
Ask for help
It’s easy to get overwhelmed as a caregiver in normal times, now even more so. Before you feel the pressure build, stop and think about ways others can chip in and help. It can be as simple as picking up groceries for your loved one, or yourself! Giving yourself some breathing room can make a big difference in your mental health.
It can be hard to find enough time in the day to tackle all the tasks of a caregiver, so be realistic about what you can achieve. Make to-do lists and prioritize essential items, but don’t be hard on yourself if you don’t complete everything you set out to do.
Do a little at a time
It can be hard to find enough time in the day to tackle all the tasks of a caregiver, so be realistic about what you can achieve. Make to-do lists and prioritize essential items, but don’t be hard on yourself if you don’t complete everything you set out to do.
Maintain a healthy routine
Exercise, diet and sleep all play critical roles in our mental health. It may seem like another item on the to-do list, but these healthy habits are crucial as we care for others.
- Try to make time to exercise throughout the week, even if it’s only a walk around the block.
- Eat a healthy diet that includes plenty of fruits and vegetables, lean meats and whole grains. Avoid fast food, prepared meals and sugar. If you need help, ask a friend to help make healthy meals for you and your family.
- Get plenty of sleep. Most adults need between seven and nine hours a night to refresh their brains and bodies.
Take a few moments for yourself
Try to find some time each day to spend on something just for you. Read a book in your favorite chair, visit the park or enjoy a cup of tea on the back porch. Whatever your “me time” is, it can help you reset and recharge, so you feel stronger as you face the day’s challenges.
Connect with others
Maintaining relationships with friends and family members can help provide emotional support while you’re caregiving. Make regular phone or video dates with friends and family.
Give thanks, forgive and say “I love you”
Think of your caregiving as time well-spent with your loved one — it’s a gift some families don’t get. It’s also a good opportunity to give thanks, forgive and, most importantly, say, “I love you.” Taking time to be honest with one another and focus on your relationship can help relieve anxiety and provide closure during a difficult time.
Find support
Remember that you never have to face caregiving alone. Seeking support from friends, family and support groups can help lift some of the emotional burden you may feel. The Institute for Human Caring provides resources and tools to help you better communicate with and care for your loved one.
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Find a doctor
Reaching out to your own doctor or mental health professional during this trying time can also help provide answers to questions and concerns you may have. You can find a Providence doctor using our provider directory. Or, you can search for a primary care doctor in your area.
#Caregiving is about more than measuring medicine and making medical appointments Learn how to better care for you and your loved ones’ emotional and mental health. #aging
Regional resources
Washington: Senior Care
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This information is not intended as a substitute for professional medical care. Always follow your healthcare professional's instructions.