How to support someone who is grieving

July 30, 2025

Providence Mental Health Team

[5 MIN READ]

When you are supporting someone who’s grieving, it’s important to remember that not everyone grieves in the same way.
Never tell a grieving person that “everything happens for a reason.”
If a person is experiencing excessive anger, extreme guilt, suicidal thoughts or other worrying symptoms, they may need to seek professional help.

How to support someone who is grieving

Grieving is the natural human response when we lose a family member or other loved one — and it’s also one of the hardest processes to endure. While it is, of course, very difficult to go through grieving yourself, it’s also challenging to support someone who is grieving. You may not know what to say, how to act, and when to draw closer or give them some space.

Here, Providence offers a guide for helping others who are deep in the throes of grief.

Understanding grief

Grief is a not a one-size-fits-all emotion. “While there is a grieving process, everyone grieves in their own way,” says Anna Nguyen, MA, LMFT, behavioral therapist and program manager of Behavioral Health & Primary Care Integration at Providence. “Grief often comes in waves, and some people are very good at putting on a mask so they appear they are doing well.”

Grief can show itself in both emotional and physical ways, and the person you’re supporting may exhibit some, all or none of these reactions.

Emotional reactions

Sadness
Anxiety
Anger
Guilt
Helplessness
Shock and numbness

Physical reactions

Trouble sleeping
Shortness of breath
Stomach pain, nausea or vomiting
Headaches
Changes in appetite
Loss of memory
Fatigue

What to say to someone who’s grieving

Nguyen says it’s normal to feel uneasy and even flustered with supporting a grieving friend. She has some advice if you’re struggling to find the right words.

Be honest. You can say you are at a loss for words or are struggling to find the right words to express your sympathy. In many cases, just being there is enough.
Offer heartfelt condolences. Start by telling the person how sorry you are about their loss. You could say something like, “I am so sorry. I miss them too.”
Share stories about the person they lost. If you knew the person who died, it might help to share stories about them with their loved one.
Consider not saying anything. Although you may feel uncomfortable, you don’t always need to fill the silence. Sometimes, your company is what grieving people need.

What not to say

What you don’t say can be just as important as what you do say. Some phrases you should avoid saying to people who are grieving the loss of a loved one include:

Everything happens for a reason. This statement can make grieving people feel like you are minimizing their loved one’s death.
I know how you feel. It’s better to avoid bringing up other losses you’ve had because everyone grieves differently.
I can’t imagine how you are feeling. While this statement may seem innocent enough, it can make a grieving person feel worse. It also makes the situation about you instead of them.
Time heals all wounds. Time may help lessen the pain, but they don’t want to hear this right after their loss.

Supporting someone who lost a child

Losing a loved one is never easy, but the death of a child can be especially traumatic. While you may have a difficult time finding the right words to support a loved one through the loss of a child, your support is important.

“Losing a child is a very intense shock because it disrupts our natural order,” says Marie Fowler, MSW, LCSW, behavioral therapist and program manager of Behavioral Health & Primary Care Integration at Providence. “As parents, it’s the worst thing we can go through. It’s a type of pain that you don’t understand unless you have lost a child yourself.”

Some practical help you can offer to grieving parents includes:

Attending church or other religious ceremonies with them
Being with them so they aren’t alone on holidays
Cooking meals or bringing food
Help care for young children
Helping with housework
Helping to plan the funeral or memorial service
Inviting them to outings

Offering ongoing support over time

While a person’s grief might be most acute in the months following the death of a loved one, grief knows no timelines. Just because a year or more has passed doesn’t mean they don’t still need support. As time goes on, it’s important that you:

Check in regularly. Someone who has lost a person close to them is likely to have good days and bad days — and your phone call or visit may come at just the right moment.
Be an active listener. Allow them to express their grief without interrupting them or trying to fix the problem.
Plan activities. In some cases (such as in the loss of a spouse or child), the person may be suffering from loneliness. It might help to plan regular outings with them.
Recognize milestones. Remember that certain days may be harder for them than others, such as holidays, birthdays and the anniversary of their loved one’s death.

When to encourage professional help

While everyone grieves differently, there are some signs that a person may need some additional support in their grief journey. “If you notice that a person is expressing feelings of prolonged hopelessness or mentions suicide, you should get them help immediately,” says Fowler. “Mental health is very important. There are a lot of great resources that can help. There’s no reason they need to go through their journey alone.”

Some signs that a person who has lost their loved one is having difficulty processing their feelings and may need professional help may include:

Excessive anger
Extreme guilt
Inability to talk about their loved one
Poor self-esteem
Severe depression
Self-loathing

In addition to individual therapy, there are also many different grief support groups that are available. Remember to be sensitive when you bring up the suggestion of seeking help, and be prepared for them to not be ready to take that step.

The most important part of supporting someone who has lost a loved one is to be patient and present. Make sure they know you are always there for them.

Contributing caregivers

Anna Nguyen, MA, LMFT, is a behavioral therapist and program manager of Behavioral Health & Primary Care Integration at Providence.

Marie Fowler, MSW, LCSW, is also a behavioral therapist and program manager of Behavioral Health & Primary Care Integration at Providence.

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